7 steps to a performing team?

 

I hate working in teams. Or at least, I used to, before I realized how valuable a GOOD team is. Last March, against my better judgement, I took up a leadership role with 10 other individuals. The task was daunting and I kept questioning my decision to take up the challenge. I’m glad I did, despite the fact that I still do question my sanity on a weekly basis.

However, knowledge (among other things) is key. Understanding the life cycle of teams, and how it relates to performance, was beneficial. Tuckman’s model of team stages goes like this: Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing, with an additional Adjourning. (If you’re interested in this model, check out these powerpoint slides). Knowing these stages before hand actually gives the initial leader (note the use of the word initial) a good sense of how to manage the team.

So allow me to abbreviate it, based on my own experience (your mileage may vary):

Step 1: Run a personality-team test. 

Get to know who you’re working with, professionally. When you first meet each other, no one really wants to know your back story. They just want to get things done as efficiently as possible, within the time frame. So run a DiSC, or a Belbin test. Understand how your teammates work, and how to best work with them.

 

Step 2: Set goals and a vision. 

What exactly, are you trying to do? What is the purpose of your team? What’s the bigger picture? What is the one thing, as a team, all of you want to feel when you leave? (Note the use of the word feel, rather than achieve) Now you know the big numbers, how about you break them down? Delegate. Everyone should be responsible for a portion they’re comfortable with. As the leader, push them a little out of their comfort zone – try to achieve just a bit more. You should all agree with what you’re trying to achieve, because everyone should feel a sense of ownership and responsibility to the end goal and vision.

 

Step 3: Do it. Together. 

Don’t wait. Get right into it. Don’t expect everyone to be helping each other out at this point – each individual in the team is still trying to adjust to the dynamic and the workload. So don’t expect synergy because at this stage, what is important is that you’re all moving together in parallel lines. Encourage progress, identify bottlenecks, and make sure everyone knows what is happening with the other.

 

Step 3.5: Socialize.

While you’re busy “doing it”, don’t forget that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. It also makes him grumpy, a little sexually frustrated and highly prone to snapping and stressing out.  So have fun. If you’d rather sit in front of your laptop in your pj’s, 9Gagging and eating Koko Krunch, then you’re going to miss out, and lose out too. Because unbeknownst to you, your teammates will slowly start realizing they have other similar interests than just work. Or maybe they’re realize that these people aren’t just efficient teammates, they’re good friends too. That they actually care about your back story, that they want to see you succeed (too). Slowly, but surely, bonds will develop. Teasing will happen. More frequent hanging outs where work is talked about less and less.

 

Step 4: Let the reins go. And watch. 

This is where the initial leader fades into the background- everyone starts leading. At this stage, two things can happen: your teammates flourish, work efficiently, and independently contribute to the team. Or they flounder, a little lost, because they just haven’t been keeping up with the rest of the team and either spiral further downwards because they feel they cannot catch up, and feel guilty for not contributing as much as their other teammates. Keep a close eye on them, but don’t jump in to save the day. Randy Pausch one said, “ When you are pissed off at somebody, and you’re angry at them, you just haven’t given them enough time. Just give them a little more time — and they’ll almost always impress you.” Now that is true. The problem is, you have limited time. So give them and yourself a time frame. Set a time or a catalyst by the means of another party, for when you must intervene.  As for the flourishing ones, don’t forget that encouragement and recognition are important. Your job is mainly to ensure that everyone is moving in the same direction, and doing it together.

 

Step 5: Review. Add if needed, Subtract if necessary.

So how’s step 4 been working out? At this stage, review each and every single team mate. Is there someone who really cannot cope? Have you tried everything in your power to help? If the answer is still negative, it’s time to respectfully thank that person for their contribution, and dismiss. What about the struggling ones that still have hope? Give them a little more time, but this time, with an intervention. You should be able to maturely and honestly discuss issues that affect team moral and performance. Do they need support? Maybe it’s time to look into getting a few more members into your team. Select the people you’d think would best fit the job and the team. Team dynamics at this stages should be secure enough to support addition, but overwhelming it is a bad idea. And don’t forget to further challenge the performing ones to actually reach their goals!

 

Step 6: Full steam ahead! 

Once you’re satisfied, it’s back to the drawing board. Are you still on course with your goals? How will the new additions integrate into this? And then move, move, move! By this stage, you’ll have just enough time left to achieve your goals. Your team should be synergizing, everyone should know how to support each other, and you should create the environment where it is possible. Leave the rest to them.

 

Step 7: Achieve it! And congratulate yourself!

Go for gold.  You want to always look back at this team with fond memories of not just friendship, but achievement. So go all out, encourage each other, push each other. And when you do, congratulate yourselves and celebrate.

The last bit is a little short, mostly because the hardest part is always the beginning. If after 6 months you still can’t work together or achieve anything, the next 6 months won’t be productive either. Sometimes you get to choose your teammates, and sometimes you don’t. If you’re lucky, like I was, you will be blessed with amazing individuals, who are not just efficient but are also persons of outstanding character. If you’re not so lucky, you have to make it work as best as possible. A lot of times, it comes down to attitude.

I would like to take this space to shout out to Amy, Wei Lim, Wan Sin, David, Alex, Carmen, Richard, Raymond, who are truly amazing teammates that have made my (1/2) term so worth while. I look forward to the next 1/2 of term. And to James, Jimmy, Irene, Zee, Zhi and Zhen Hao, who have just joined the team, I look forward to getting to know and performing with all of you.

I used to prefer to work alone, I used to (and let’s admit it, occasionally still) think that people are just…stupid. Really idiotic. Completely incompetent and lacking in almost every possible way. But I’d take my team over working alone any day because one competent fool can only go so far, when compared to many competent fools

 

Traditions…

I have witnessed a few debates about globalization: the pro’s and con’s. One of the biggest issues people seem to have with it is the eradication of tradition that follows globalization. While the opposite of globalization is not tradition; it seems to be constantly be identified as so.

I consider myself to be fairly globally minded, but I also have a quiet reverence towards tradition. It’s not something most people would expect from me, but there are things in the household that must be done a certain way, or things that need to be done during a certain time of year. It’s tradition – (within reason).

Every Diwali/Deepavali (the Hindu festival equivalent to that of Eid or Christmas or Chinese New Year) , there are certain things that need to be done: clean the altar and pictures of family members who have since passed, clean the house, put up oil lamps on the eve of Diwali and on the day, have dinner with the family, perform an oil head bath on Diwali morning, wear new clothes on the day, and, ask and receive blessing from parents. We also usually do a simple prayer in the morning, followed by lunch on banana leaves (it actually enhances the flavor, and is said to have medicinal properties).

There are reasons for doing some of these traditions- for example, an oil head bath removes heat from the body, and some are just traditions that have religious roots – cleaning and performing a simple prayer for those who have passed as a sign of remembrance and respect.

And despite the fact that Indians tend to be the butt of all jokes (see: Russell Peters, Indian Accents), I do think that being raised in Malaysia, with its immersion of Malay and Chinese cultures and my own, has allowed me a great understanding of diversity at a very young age. And for that, I am proud of my heritage and traditions, even if I don’t generally like to broadcast to the world – to me, these things, just like religion, are personal. The joy they bring from their existence is a pleasure meant to be enjoyed on a spiritual level, only to be shared when asked or needed.

And with that very wordy take on traditions, I would like to tack on a very warm wish of Diwali greetings to all celebrating, for it is a time that is meant to be remembered of when good triumphed evil. The world today is battling many evils, the largest of all being human apathy and indifferences, and I hope it will triumph once again.

Happy Diwali, 2012.

 

 

 

The Perks of being a Wallflower…

Have you ever just… stopped? Stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stop dreaming, stopped – and just observed? A completely insane moment where you don’t want to shine, you don’t want to live – you just want to exist. These moments should be far and few in between, but they exist for us all.

The weekend has been very introspective for me, due to the hectic events going on in my life which was further amplified by reading the book mentioned above. I was thinking of both achievements and failures, and how that affected me as a person. I was thinking about the people around me, and what they thought, and their stories, and their feelings. It made me wonder, wonder, wonder.

The main character in the book, Charlie, says,

• And all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing “unity”.
  It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means you’re happy, too.“

which really made me think. It’s true, in a sense, that no one experience of ours is unique – what makes us unique are many experiences combined coupled with their reactions. A song that means a lot to me may just be another song to you. Or how sometimes things make you angry and then sometimes it just makes you sad or happy, all based on how you feel at a given moment.

It also made me think about those moments when you drop into a chasm of depression for no apparent reason, and how suddenly it disappears – sometimes helped by a text, smile, memory, or just time. It made me wonder if human beings are born happy with life trying to beat it out of them, or if we’re all just really sad trying to be happy. Because it’s always ‘the little things‘ isn’t it? It’s not the grades, but the times sneaking out and doing silly things that we often remember. Or the impromptu road trips rather than the long nights of assignments.

Its times when I think of all these things that I wished I could stop thinking all together, because really, why do human beings keep trying to fix that which is not broken? We break things by trying to fix them, people mostly.We fall in love with people who don’t love us back; we ignore those that do. I remembered that quote after reading this passage:

“I remember going to sleep last night, and I realized something. Something that I think is important. I realized that throughout the course of the evening, I wasn’t happy about Craig and Sam breaking up. Not at all. I never once thought that it would mean Sam might start liking me. All I cared about was the fact that Sam got really hurt. And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn’t matter.“

It made me remember that feeling – not being able to choose who your heart gave itself too – but also knowing that it is expandable and that there is always room for more opportunities (and healing) if you’re willing to take them. It made me remember that people change in hours, that emotions are fickle and somewhat treacherous half the time, people don’t even know what they feel, what they want.

It also made me remember feelings of freedom. Sometimes you do something so decidedly stupid to feel alive, like drive really fast, a hold a blade to your skin just to feel the danger, or things like bungee jumping or roller coasters – I mean, think about it. Why do people pay tons of money to scare the shit out of themselves? Why do people do anything at all?

“There’s something about that tunnel that leads to downtown. It’s glorious at night. Just glorious. You start on one side of the mountain, and it’s dark, and the radio is loud. As you enter the tunnel, the wind gets sucked away, and you squint from the lights overhead. When you adjust to the lights, you can see the other side in the distance just as the sound of the radio fades because the waves just can’t reach. Then, you’re in the middle of the tunnel, and everything becomes a calm dream. As you see the opening get closer, you just can’t get there fast enough. And finally, just when you think you’ll never get there, you see the opening right in front of you. And the radio comes back even louder than you remember it. And the wind is waiting. And you fly out of the tunnel onto the bridge. And there it is. The city. A million lights and buildings and everything seems as exciting as the first time you saw it. It really is a grand entrance.”

And then when I find myself thinking about all this and analyzing behavior, I’m becoming more and more certain that I am severely going to enjoy neuroscience and psychology. I leave you with one more quote, because I saw it on 9gag.com (stay away from this black hole of productivity) and I thought it was poignant:

Book mentioned: The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Author: Stephen Chbosky

Rating: A-

Edit: A quick Google search showed that Emma Watson will be staring in a film adaptation to be out sometime next year! How very quaint, I imagine she’d make a great Sam.

Submitting to The Wolf…

I’m a bit of bibliophile. I love books; I love reading and so it was a no-brainer that when the Big Bad Wolf sale was announced, with books going for 75 to 90% discounts, that I was going to be there, thank you very much. With a promise of 1.5 million books, I was a bit apprehensive of going there to find like 4 x 375000 Twilight books or something equally horrifying… but the true purpose of this isn’t to talk about the books – of which they were plenty in variety and category – nor my haul of 90 books for only RM 719 (230 USD).

Instead, on both my visits, I observed something; first in the customers, second in the providers.

The hall that houses the sale is huge, but so is the space needed to house the books. Thus, the aisles are wide enough to allow people to pass through comfortably, but not wide enough that you wouldn’t bump into someone’s box (those that didn’t bring their own bags were given boxes) or into some body part. However, the majority of the people were apologetic and considerate, and whenever someone was blocking another, an ‘excuse me’ was said, followed by a sorry and thank you. Despite the competitiveness of getting ‘all the best books ever’, people tended to give each other way, and were generally nice. And thus, I came to a premature and perhaps somewhat bias conclusion that people who read have amassed a certain amount of understanding of the world, or at least, can appreciate basic etiquette.

The second part comes directly from today. After shopping for several hours, I came out to a very cloudy sky. Just was my mum, sister and I were about to walk to the car, it started raining cats & dogs. It became very quickly apparent that the floor structure of the site was not built well… water was collecting and flooding the area where everyone was queueing – both to go into the hall and to board the trams back to the car parks – and everything was quickly becoming a mess. Thank goodness the organizers had put tents outside at the queue area, but there was a gap from that area to the actual entrance. That was Problem 1.

Problem 2 arose because the roads were slippery for the trams to go up and down, plus the fact that a lot of people did not have an umbrella with them and thus were stranded between the drop off point and their car as it was an open carpark. As a result, a lot of people were waiting to go back but unable to lest they took a bath in the rain. The good bit was that people were patient and understanding and did not cause unnecessary drama while waiting for the rain to subside. The second bit was the excellent customer service provided, in which staff sourced umbrellas to build a chain-line to enable people to remain dry while they made their way into the building – ignoring the fact that the staffs got drenched themselves. They ferried people whenever someone needed help, remained calm and professional, and gave patient explanations to all who asked the repeated question of “what is going on?”. I was duly impressed, given that this was in all technicalities, a warehouse sale.

And lastly, I was so incredibly happy to see the amount of people that attended (despite that slightly selfish feeling of “oh my goodness, I’m going to have to battle so many people away to get my treasures!”) that included all races and ages. Children running around excitedly going “Mummy, mummy, I found it, I found it!” while brandishing a story book, or teenagers poring excitedly through the stacks of Twilight books (okay, a regrettable choice of literature but they will learn…) or the adults all searching determinedly for that one business book that would make them rich. It made me feel hopeful again, considering there was a study that stated that Malaysians read an average of ONE book a YEAR (while the data is probably true given the population and the different socio-economic status, etc, seeing people that broke that was heartening).

And so what was supposed to be a simple book sale has turned into an experience of humanity and a balm of hope to the soul. It is, after all, the little things in life that make it whole.

With that said, I sign out with pictures of my haul. Happy reading!

P/S – If you’re interested, it is in MAEPS, Mardi, Serdang. A 20 minute drive from Subang Jaya, and tomorrow, 10 am to 9 pm, 16th of October 2011, is the last day. If that doesn’t interest you, come down to Taylor’s University Lakeside Campus to participate in the packing of food for World Food Day, from 10 am to 3 pm. The objective is to pack 1,000,000 meals that will be distributed to hunger-stricken areas around the world. Will post more about that tomorrow, after the event. Cheers!

Haul number 1, 62 books for RM 518.

Haul 2, 28 books for RM 201.

Website: http://bigbadwolfbooks.com/

Facebook: /bbwbooks

*Disclaimer: This post is not an advertisement, just the excited ramblings of a happy bibliophile.

No rhyme nor reason. Just life.

Last night, I was writing a post about lessons I remembered from a book long read. The book is called ‘The Last Lecture’ by Randy Pausch, which is a non-fiction biography of life experiences. I fell asleep writing it and woke up this morning to the passing of Steve Jobs.

I do have an affinity for Apple, but I’ve never really put much thought into its founder – besides the fact that he’s brilliant, persistent and an incredible entrepreneur. Nevertheless, it was like a punch in the gut to hear it, especially as  BFM (a Malaysian business radio network) played his speech to the Stanford class of 2005.

I had never heard it before, and so the 3 simple points (1. Connect the Dots, 2. Love & Loss, 3.Death) struck me deeply enough that I stayed back in the car to listen to the whole speech despite the fact that it would make me late to class. I regret nothing (and my lecturer barely blinked an eye as I walked late into the lecture theater).

I realized that I waste too much time – thinking, worrying, fearing. I realized that often times you’re going to fall short of people’s expectations anyway, so the best bet is to just count your own. I realized that no one can make you feel unpretty or unconfident unless you let them. I realized that it is important to go after what you want – and if you can’t get it, then redirect your focus or keep trying.

As I was musing the words of Jobs and Pausch, I saw this graphic text on Tumblr, and felt like it consolidated my thoughts. The source is unknown, but the content is pure.

This post has no rhyme or reason – kind of like my thought process – but few things I know for sure: Rejection is better than not knowing (and you never hurt as bad as you think you will). Talking about something is better than repressing it (surround yourself with the right kind of people and trust them). You’ll be absolutely fine if you let yourself be (happiness is a habit and choice). Part of loving someone is letting them go (cherish friendships, and move on). Whether you’re doing something right or wrong, someone is going to love you and someone is going to hate you – do it anyway.

I’ll sign off with these few quotes:

“‎”Sometimes a wrong turn will bring you to exactly the right place.” Ooi Jie Joe (Joey)

“Time is all you have and you may find one day that you have less than you think.” Randy Pausch

*Full text for Steve Jobs’ speech.

This pale blue dot.

I was going through my archives, and found this post. It is a beautiful piece that begs introspection of one’s existence and purposes. In light of this, it always feels as if our silly problems, fears and fights are insignificant.

 

 

This year (2010) is anniversary of the famous “pale blue dot”. It’s a photograph of Earth, as seen from Voyager 1 while on the edge of our solar system – approximately 3,762,136,324 miles from home. By request of Carl Sagan, NASA commanded the Voyager 1 spacecraft, having completed its primary mission and now leaving the Solar System, to turn its camera around and to take a photograph of Earth across a great expanse of space. His words in regards to this photograph are always worth remembering: 

“Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every ‘superstar,’ every ‘supreme leader,’ every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

Pottermore Sorting

You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you’ve a steady mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;
Or perhaps in Slytherin
You’ll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means
To achieve their ends.

- The Sorting Hat, HPPS

This Pottermore business of Jo Rowling to bring a whole new depth to the series has ignited the glowing embers in its fandom to multi-story fires of excitement. But with it, also comes a fear unprecedented for many who have grown up with these series, and who like me, have had their person shaped in some way by the beautifully narrated tales of courage, sacrifice, bravery, love, and above all, doing what is right.

I am, of course, talking about The Sorting. (Note the capitals; it’s serious business.)

The anxiety and angst comes not because we need validation from a 7 question quiz on who we are as people. Most of us have done sorting hat quizzes that range from silly, predictable questions, to a 122 long one that is supposedly based on psychological studies, and many have studied the houses itself through the 7 books to determine where they’d best fit in. But doing a Sorting on Pottermore means cementing from Jo herself where you’d be, based on a creator’s understanding of the houses.

As you can imagine, this has caused a bit a stir among many people who have for YEARS identified with a trait, who has spent money and time on their idea of who they are and their house loyalty, and is now suddenly being told that they are not what they think they are. It’s like being a Manchester United fan for 10 years only to find out the owner and manager and most of its players don’t like the club at all and are all for Arsenal.

Naturally, people will suffer from the classic stages of the Kübler-Ross depression model, which in itself tells you how much impact Harry Potter has had on this generation.

• Denial – What? I’m a Slytherin, who the heck is Jo to tell me that I’m a Gryffindor!
• Anger  - This is so unfair! I’m cunning and witty and ambitious and Gryffindor sucks!
• Bargaining - Maybe I can switch Pottermore accounts with someone to get into Slytherin?
• Depression – Whatever, I’m not even going to play, this is all a lie anyway.
• Acceptance - You know what… maybe there’s more to me than I knew. Perhaps I should do some self reflection… I could be Gryffindor after all.

The point here is that this has become more than just a little game. This is a defining moment in a person, where the elements of nature versus nurture can be brought in.

Someone who as a child thought the world of Slytherin could have manipulated themselves into thinking like one, and if you pretend to be something for long enough, you will eventually be it. So they have nurtured Slytherin-like tendencies, thus pushing their ambition and wit higher than they might have naturally. If such a person was, unintentionally or unwittingly placed in say, Hufflepuff (which has earned quite a reputation as the house for the duffers) they might end up feeling like what they’ve been is a lie. 

Over exaggeration? Maybe, maybe not.

I myself have gone though (some of) the stages, first denial that I was anything but Slytherin, then into anger, mostly at not having been sorted yet and thus unknowing, and now to a sort of acceptance that I could possibly deal with any house… except Hufflepuff.

In hindsight, I know this may seem really silly and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but I can’t help but feel, personally, that it matters. 

On that note, I’ll return now to my windowsill, to eagerly await my welcome owl.

Edit1: I’m FelicisKnight46, for those interested in the whole social aspect to it.

SPOILER ALERT BELOW! STOP READING FROM THIS POINT OUT IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED. 

Edit2: In my utter Slytherin-ness, I decided to scour the internet for questions -(these ones are the recurring ones, so I’m guessing they’re legit). There are about 200 questions designed by Jo herself, and only 7 are used in the actual sorting. Do not read further if you want your sorting to be untainted by advance knowledge.

1. What power would you like to have?
-Invisibility
-Super Strength
-The ability to change the past
-The ability to change your appearance at will
-Mind Reading
-The ability to talk to animals

2. What are you most looking forward to learning at Hogwarts?
-Apparition and disapparition
-Transfiguration
-Flying on a broomstick
-Hexes and jinxes
-All about magical creatures
-Secrets about the Castle
-Every area of magic I can

3, Which road tempts you the most?
-The sunny, grassy lane
-The Narrow dark lantern lit alley
-The twisting leaf-strewn path in the woods
-The cobbled street lined with ancient buildings

4. Four boxes are placed before you. Which do you open?
-The small tortoiseshell box, embellished with gold, inside which some small creature seems to be squeaking
-The gleaming jet black box with a silver lock and key, marked with a mysterious rune that you know to be the mark of Merlin
-The ornate golden casket, standing on clawed feet, whose inscription warms that both secret knowledge and unbearable temptation lie within
-The small pewter box, unassuming and plain, with a scratched message upon it that reads ‘I only open for the worthy’

5. You are walking and come to a crossroads. Which path do you take?
-The path that leads to a beach
-The path that leads through a forest
-The path that leads to a castle

6. You are walking along and hear a sound. What do you do?
-Tread cautiously with you hand on your wand
-Retreat and wait for the source of the sound to reveal itself while remembering defensive spells
-Seek out the source of the sound

7. How would you like to be remembered in history?
-Being Wise
-Being Good
-Being Bold
-Being Brave
-Being Great

8. Would you rather invent a potion that would give you…
-Power?
-Love?
-Glory?
-Wisdom?

9. Which do you find most difficult to deal with?
-Boredom
-Cold
-Hunger
-Loneliness
-Being ignored

Four goblets are placed in front of you, which would you choose to drink?
-Foaming, silvery liquid that sparkles as though containing ground diamonds
-Smooth, thick purple drink that smells of chocolate and plums
-Golden liquid, which makes sun spots dance around the room
-Mysterious black liquid, which gives the drinker strange visions

10. A troll has gone berserk in the headmaster’s office and is going to destroy the precious items. In what order to you save them?
-Cure dragonpox potion
-Merlin’s Books
-Student records

11. How do you want to people to react when they hear you name after you’re dead?
-Miss you and smile
-Want to hear more stories about your adventures
-Think about your achievements
-I don’t care what happens when I’m dead, it’s when I’m alive that matters

12. Once every century, the Flutterby bush produces flowers that adapt their scent to attract the unwary. If it lured you, it would smell of…
-The sea
-Fresh parchment
-Home
-A crackling log fire

13. What kind of instrument most pleases your ear?
-Violin
-Trumpet
-Piano
-Drum

14. One of you house mates has cheated in a Hogwarts exam by using a self-spelling quill. Now he has come to top of the class in charms, beating you into second place. Professor Flitwick is suspicious of what happened. He draws you to one side after his lesson and asks you whether or not your classmate used a forbidden quill. What do you do?
-Lie and say you don’t know (but hope that somebody else tells Professor Flitwick the truth.)
-Tell Professor Flitwick that he ought to ask your classmate (and resolve to tell your classmate that if he doesn’t tell the truth, you will.)
-Tell Professor Flitwick the truth. If your classmate is prepared to win by cheating, he deserves to be found out. Also, as you are both in the same house, any points he loses will be regained by you, for coming first in his place.
-You would not wait to be asked to tell Professor Flitwick the truth. If you knew that somebody was using a forbidden quill, you would tell the teacher before the exam started.

15. Which would you rather be?
-Liked
-Imitated
-Praised
-Envied
-Feared
-Trusted

16. A muggle confronts you and says that they are sure you are a witch or wizard. Do you:
-Ask what makes them think so?
-Agree and walk away, leaving them wondering about the truth?
-Say yes and tell them you’ll jinx them if they don’t leave?
-Tell them you think perhaps they need to call the mental hospital?

17. Which magical creatures would you most like to study?
-Centaurs
-Goblins
-Merpeople
-Ghosts
-Vampires
-Werewolves
-Trolls

18. You would hate it if other people thought you were…
-Ordinary
-Selfish
-Ignorant
-Stubborn
-Cowardly

19. Do you prefer the forest or the river?
-Forest
-River

20. Dawn or Dusk?
-Dawn
-Dusk

21. Black or White?
-Black
-White

22. Heads or Tails?
-Heads
-Tails

23. Left or Right?
-Left
-Right

24. Stars or Moon?
-Stars
-Moon

Edit 2: I’m in! And Slytherin!!!!!!!! So happy. For those curious, you get asked a total of 14 questions, 7 during your wand placement, and 7 during your sorting. There is an extensive explanation for the wand types which are surprisingly accurate, and thus I imagine it heavily influences your house as well. My only advice is choose honestly. There answers are not obvious to a certain house, but certain answers tend to lend itself towards a certain house, for example, in Q7, if you chose wise, you might rack up more Ravenclaw tendencies, and if you chose great, more Slytherin ones. However the exact mechanism is unknown as of yet, so the best bet is to answer honestly. 

Dissecting Happiness…

Doing what you like is freedom; liking what you do is happiness. 

 

People tend to lament over their lack of happiness. But what exactly is it?

The answer to many things in life does not magically present itself at a certain age; someone younger may be a lot wiser than someone twice his age if he has more experience – has lived more. And in that same vein, happiness can be attained through understanding.

The understanding that happiness is not about being happy. You do not need to smile all the time, or project an aura of bliss if you do not feel like it. In fact, doing so will only cause people to misunderstand your personality, to view it as fake. Happiness isn’t about outward projection; it’s about inner peace.

It’s about accepting your shortcomings and acknowledging them, before working to slowly and continuously improve them. It’s about taking control of your decisions, choices and responsibilities, but being completely open to having everything falling to bits because that’s just how life is. It’s easy to say, but takes a lot of self reflection and awareness to be able to say, “Okay, so shit happens, let’s just move on and roll with it.” The more you do it, the more you learn, the more you grow, the more you start to understand that your life is irrevocably tangled in this mess of strings in the universe and your choices are limited by the pull of other strings.

So again, what is happiness?

It is:

- Understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and your goals.

- Acknowledging your body and being happy with what you have (and don’t have), and only then work to improve it.

- It’s about accepting all the good and bad experiences life throws at you, accepting your complete lack of control and then making the choice to make the best of it.

- It’s about making time for the little things: sunsets, dinner with friends, comfortable silences with family, petting your dog, having a piece of candy.

- It’s about struggling to reach your goals and ambitions, and the feeling of contentment every time you reach a small milestone, which takes you closer to the big one.

- It is about taking effort to do something nice for someone with the singular intent of seeing them smile.

- Most of all, it is about completely accepting yourself and both your insignificance and your greatest significance in the world. (even if you don’t know what it is.)

Disclaimer: This is individual perception and may change at different stages in life. 

Dear mum & dad,

(I found this while cleaning my room, a note dated 14th January 2009. It is reproduced here without edits.) 

——-

I come to realize that the older I, become the more I… je na sais quoi… crave your approval? Acceptance? Pride? And I wonder… how much do you really know about me? How well do you know me? What do you see when you look at me? Is it me or the daughter you wish I could be? Do you really want to know? Or are you happy with what you don’t know?

David Cook (musician) once wrote that (and I paraphase) “…the ones that let you show up on Christmas without a present and love and welcome you anyway are truly the people in your life that matter.” Parents fall under there; you do. But would you love me anyway if I never amounted to anything but a 9 to 5er? Or if I was gay? Or if I took drugs and smoked like a chimney? If I chose you over a significant other? What would break us, if anything? Murder? Suicide? Drugs? Sex? Money? I wonder.

I wonder what you were like at this age. Did you feel this confused? This unsure? This lost? Is this ‘normal’ or am I have supposed to have my life figured out by now? Am I the only one grasping for straws, fumbling my way through an existence? I realize, of course, that the answers won’t suddenly reveal themselves in a blinding moment of clarity; the questions wouldn’t be so epic if the answers were so easy to find, after all.

But I wonder.

I truly do wonder if the visions you had at my birth, when I was minutes old and my life so fragile and in your hands… what did you see? Does reality come close? Are you disappointed? Is there something you wished I did differently?

I wonder.

More than just carbon.

Human beings are made up of many things, but mostly, carbon (and oxygen and hydrogen). We’re a surprisingly complex working module of simple things but of all the things interesting about us, it is the spiritual and metaphysical connections we seem to make with our environment and each other.

It all comes down to a very simple thing: understanding people.

It is something I seem to be inherently bad at, or so I’m told. The thing is, people tend to make simple things complicated. It’s like most people have this unconsciousness need to make things bigger than they are or need to be.  It would seem that people would rather hurt than heal. It’s all really bizarre to me; didn’t the Dalai Lama say “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can‘t help them, at least don’t hurt them”?

This past week, I’ve had to deal with several bouts of fragging, which naturally left me in a state of reflection of my people skills. I’ve never considered myself particularly inspiring, and I struggle to do what’s right despite it never being the easiest or most popular route, but always trying to shield the fragile human being from the rounds can get tiring.

So here’s what I came up with:

A 5 point list on dealing with difficult people.

1. Don’t change who you are but develop a shield. 

- Whether you’re doing something right or wrong, you’re going to be pissing off someone, somewhere. So don’t bother being fake, or trying to appease everyone, because you’ll lose, every.single.time.

2. Get things done (& get them done right). 

- The best way to shut up the naysayers is to get the job done. Meet your deadlines, do your part, and do them well. Don’t give up or give in because people are being assholes jerkfaces. Instead, render them speechless by doing your best. So even if they complain, you know you’ve done all that you can and that they’re just being stupid. Furthermore, after a while, you’ll get their respect, grudgingly or not.

3. Talk to people. Learn about them. Listen. 

- Despite the amount of rubbish that goes on with people and the world, fundamentally, everyone wants to do good. Circumstances doesn’t always allow that to happen: people become bitter, traumatized, scared. But everyone has a story.

One I’d like to share: In Malaysia, we have a lot of foreign workers, a lot of them working as waiters at hawker centers. In my junior year of college, a senior introduced me to one who he regarded as a friend. It’s been 3 years, and I’m still friends with the man from Bangladesh who is actually a lawyer with a degree that is not recognized outside his country, who is redoing it here in Malaysia and getting by through his side job. He has a story, and a remarkable one. Many of the Bangladeshi’s in Malaysia are lawyer’s or doctor’s and such. Sadly, I’ve seen fellow young Malaysians treat them like they don’t matter, acting rude just because. 

“Judge a man not by how he treats his equals but by how he treats his inferiors” - Sirius Black.

Everyone has a story. Listen to it. Your whole world will change.

4. Never make a decision (or send an e-mail) when angry/upset. (i.e be calm.)

- It only takes 1 minute to destroy 1 year’s worth of a relationship. I have a rule: I try not to send scathing e-mails when I’m angry because I don’t relish the thought of damage control. Even so, a few have slipped by, and the effects have been felt, despite the fact that I wasn’t annoyed at the person but the situation. The thing is, when you’re angry or upset, it permeates the air around you whether or not you want it to and you end up sharing the misery. Also, sarcasm is a double edged sword. On one hand, if someone has wronged you badly, let them know; don’t just let it stew. The point of this is not to smother all emotion into being constantly sunshine and rainbows, but applying restraint to address the issues, not escalate them.

5. Don’t feed the trolls.

- If you know someone is a total back-stabbing gossip, then don’t tell them things that could hurt you if spread. If you know someone is unreliable and flaky, don’t depend on them for important things. If you’ve already been hurt once, either stay away or if not possible, keep your guard up. Don’t make the same mistakes twice. Some people just enjoy bringing other people down so it’s best to not get caught in that, rather than trying to hard to appease them or get them to like you. It’ll only make them more vicious.

Bonus tip: Sometimes, sometimes, it’s not them. It’s you. If you can’t step back and reflect about the situation objectively, and admit your own mistakes, then you may be the difficult person, not them.

I’m going to take my own advice, and try it out. *crosses fingers*